When To Call It Quits In A Marriage

When To Call It Quits In A Marriage

Like a roller coaster, all marriages have their ups and downs. One minute you’re flying high with excitement, the next minute you’re wishing you never got on the ride. When you first got married you likely never thought you would be contemplating all the reasons you should leave your spouse for good. Making this decision isn’t easy and you may find yourself going back and forth on the decision for months or even years. Divorce isn’t something to be decided lightly. There are many things to consider such as children, finances, and whether you’re truly ready to move on.

Here Are the Signs it May be Time to File for Divorce

You’ve Given it Genuine Consideration

Some people claim they want a divorce, but they don’t truly mean it. Many couples have threatened divorce in the heat of an argument but would be mortified if their spouse called their bluff. If you want divorce help for deciding if it’s time to end things, do this: imagine you are divorced. Really imagine it. This means that you will have to:
• Tell your children (if any) of your divorce and decide who gets them on which days
• Find a new place to live
• Tell your friends and family
• Handle your financial situation
• Potentially get a job
• Never get to spend time with this person again

Furthermore, imagine that your spouse has moved on and is in an intimate relationship with someone new. If the reality of these things does not upset you or outweigh your urge to leave, it may be time to say goodbye.

Consistent Infidelity

Research shows that the most common reason people get divorced is infidelity. And in recent years, online infidelity has been a strong citation in divorce paperwork. If you or your spouse is cheating on each other openly or in secret, with little or no remorse, it is definitely time to part ways.

Addiction is Involved

Addiction can create many messy problems in a marriage. This does not mean you must abandon your spouse because they have an addiction to drugs, gambling, sex, or alcohol if they are seeking help for their problems. However, if having these things in your marriage is causing you physical harm, financial ruin, or emotional turmoil, you may consider leaving.

You’ve Stopped Caring

What once charmed you about your partner now drives you crazy or leaves you feeling indifferent. You no longer desire to spend any time together, do not dress up or try to look nice for your spouse, and genuinely aren’t concerned with your spouse’s life.

There is No Partnership

Your marriage should be a partnership. You are taking on the world together, making decisions together, and always have each other’s back. If this is no longer the case in your marriage, you may have had a mutual drift in love for one another.

You’re Not Happy

No relationship is happy 100% of the time. However, the good times should outweigh the bad ones in a happy, healthy relationship. If you are no longer happy or have fallen into a serious depression because of your marriage, this is definitely an indication that something needs to change.

Your Relationship is Dangerous

One non-negotiable when it comes to your marriage is when there is verbal or physical abuse. Even if you are not being physically harmed, emotional abuse can be just as damaging to your health. One of the biggest pieces of divorce advice to consider is whether or not staying with your spouse puts you in emotional or physical danger.

Your Children Are Suffering

As a parent, it is your job to ensure that your children are growing up in a healthy, happy family atmosphere. Physical violence or mental abuse should not be tolerated. If you believe that your children are in physical or mental danger, you should seriously consider separating or divorcing your spouse.

You’ve Tried Everything Else

Divorce is not something that should be decided on a whim. It’s serious business that affects more than just you and your soon-to-be ex. The biggest piece of divorce advice for knowing when it’s time to file for divorce is when you know that you’ve exhausted all other options to try and save the relationship.

This may include, but is not limited to:

• Instituting a regular date night: Studies show that regular date night can improve the quality of a marriage. It improves communication, builds sexual chemistry, carries a playful novelty, helps couples reconnect, and offers a level of stress-reduction. All that in just one night a week!

• Addicts Seeking Help: The spouse who is addicted attends therapy or went to rehab in order to take control of their sickness and put the marriage first.

• Daily Gratitude and Attitude Changes: Doing little things like saying please and thank you or telling your spouse what you appreciate about them is important. Studies show that the highest predictor of increased relationship satisfaction is expressions of gratitude within the marriage.

• Seeking Therapy: Marriage counseling is the best way for couples to fix their relationship. A counselor will help them learn how to communicate, fight fair, problem solve, and create tools in which to deal with the issues in the relationship.

If you have tried all of these things and there is still no relief from the mutual unhappiness in your marriage, it is time to call it quits.

Proceeding with a divorce is one of the most difficult things a person can go through. Before you file for divorce, ensure that you have done everything possible to save your marriage. Seek counseling and try to reconnect. If all else fails, proceed with a divorce and take the necessary steps to protect yourself. Although divorce is common throughout Utah, the divorce process varies depending on the couple’s situation.

Short-term marriages without children or property typically result in a less complex and time-consuming divorce than long-term marriages with significant property entanglements, marital debt, and minor children. Additionally, divorcing couples who work together to negotiate the terms of the divorce (child custody, child support, property division, debt allocation, and spousal support) will experience a less expensive and less stressful divorce than couples who can’t agree or refuse to work together.

Filing the Divorce Petition

Whether both spouses agree to the divorce or not, before any couple can begin the divorce process, one spouse must file a legal petition asking the court to terminate the marriage. The filing spouse must include the following information:

• a statement which informs the court that at least one spouse meets the state’s residency requirements for divorce

• a legal reason or grounds for the divorce, and

• any other statutory information that your state requires.

Residency requirements vary depending on where you live. States usually require at least one spouse to live in the state anywhere from 3 months to 12 months, and in the county where the spouse files at least 10 days to 6 months before filing the petition. Divorcing spouses must meet the state’s residency requirement before the court can accept the case. Grounds for divorce vary from state-to-state. However, all states offer divorcing couples the option to file a no-fault divorce. No-fault divorce is a streamlined process that allows spouses to file a divorce petition without listing a specific reason or placing blame on either spouse. If your spouse committed marital misconduct or caused the breakup, some states allow parties to claim “fault” for the divorce, like adultery or neglect. If you’re unsure whether you should file a no-fault or fault divorce, contact an experienced family law attorney in your state for guidance.

Asking for Temporary Orders

Courts understand that the waiting period for divorce may not be possible for all couples. For example, if you are a stay-at-home parent that is raising your children and dependent on your spouse for financial support, waiting for 6-months for the judge to finalize your divorce probably seems impossible. When you file for divorce, the court allows you to ask the court for temporary court orders for child custody, child support, and spousal support. If you request a temporary order, the court will hold a hearing and request information from each spouse before deciding how to rule on the application. The judge will usually grant the temporary order quickly, and it will remain valid until the court orders otherwise or until the judge finalizes the divorce. Other temporary orders may include a request for status quo payments or temporary property restraining orders. Status quo orders typically require the breadwinner to continue paying marital debts throughout the divorce process. Temporary property restraining orders protect the marital estate from either spouse selling, giving away, or otherwise disposing of marital property during the divorce process. Restraining orders are usually mutual, meaning both spouses must follow it or risk being penalized by the court. If you need a temporary order but didn’t file your request at the time you filed for divorce, you’ll need to apply for temporary orders as quickly as possible. When you file for divorce, the court allows you to ask the court for temporary court orders for child custody, child support, and spousal support.

Serve Your Spouse and Wait for a Response

After you file the petition for divorce and request for temporary orders, you need to provide a copy of the paperwork to your spouse and file proof of service with the court. Proof of service is a document that tells the court that you met the statutory requirements for giving a copy of the petition to your spouse. If you don’t properly serve your spouse, or if you neglect to file a proof of service with the court, the judge will be unable to proceed with your divorce case. Service of process can be easy, especially if your spouse agrees with the divorce and is willing to sign an acknowledgment of service. However, some spouses, especially ones that want to stay married or make the process complicated, can be evasive or try anything to frustrate the process. The easiest way to ensure proper service is for the filing spouse to hire a professional who is licensed and experienced in delivering legal documents to difficult parties. The cost is usually minimal and can help prevent a delay in your case. If your spouse retained an attorney, you could arrange to have the paperwork delivered to the attorney’s office. The party who receives the paperwork (usually titled “defendant” or “respondent”) must file an answer or reply to the divorce petition within a prescribed amount of time. Failure to respond could result in a “default” judgment against the non-responding spouse, which can be complicated and expensive to reverse. The responding party has the option to dispute the grounds for divorce (if a fault divorce), the allegations in the petition, or assert any disagreements as to property, support, custody, or any other divorce-related issues.

Negotiate a Settlement

In cases where the parties have differing opinions on important topics, like child custody, support, or property division, both spouses will need to work together to reach an agreement. Sometimes the court will schedule a settlement conference, which is where the parties and their attorneys will meet to discuss the status of the case. The court may schedule mediation, which is where a neutral third-party will help facilitate discussion between the spouses in hopes to resolve lingering issues. Some states require participation in mediation, while others do not. However, mediation often saves significant time and money during the divorce process, so it’s often a good route for many divorcing couples.

Divorce Trial

Sometimes negotiations fail despite each spouse’s best efforts. If there are still issues that remain unresolved after mediation and other talks, the parties will need to ask the court for help, which means going to trial. A divorce trial is costly and time-consuming, plus it takes all the power away from the spouses and puts it in the hands of the judge. Negotiations and mediation sessions allow the couple to maintain control and have more predictable results than a divorce trial, so it’s best to avoid a trial if possible.

Finalizing the Judgment

Whether you and your spouse negotiated throughout the divorce process, or a judge decided the significant issues for you, the final step of divorce comes when the judge signs the judgment of divorce. The judgment of divorce (or “order of dissolution”) ends the marriage and spells out the specifics about how the couple will allocate custodial responsibility and parenting time, child and spousal support, and how the couple will divide assets and debts. If the parties negotiated a settlement, the filing spouse’s attorney typically drafts the judgment. However, if the couple went through a divorce trial, the judge will issue the final order. If you are going through a divorce, talk to a divorce attorney to figure out your options.

Free Initial Consultation with a Divorce Law Firm

It’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when. Legal problems come to everyone. Whether it’s your son who gets in a car wreck, your uncle who loses his job and needs to file for bankruptcy, your sister’s brother who’s getting divorced, or a grandparent that passes away without a will -all of us have legal issues and questions that arise. So when you have a law question, call Ascent Law for your free consultation (801) 676-5506. We want to help you!

Michael R. Anderson, JD

Ascent Law LLC
8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C
West Jordan, Utah
84088 United States

Telephone: (801) 676-5506


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Legal Family Advice on Divorce

legal family advice on divorce

Top 10 Legal Errors You Must Avoid in Divorce

Quite honestly, no divorce is peaceful and drama-free. Most of them aren’t just stressful and overwhelming, but tend to bring together lots of issues that drain the parting couple. Family and friends will offer tips that can be more harmful and costly than healing the hurtful soul. In the end, a person will be prone to making many expensive legal and financial mistakes. Here are a few of the seemingly obvious errors associated with divorce and how you can avoid them.

(1). Thinking and believing that the other party will be fair and cooperative is perhaps the greatest mistake. That’s because divorce and subsequent separation is never smooth and demands aren’t always fair. So, instead of hoping that the other person’s team will be rational, go ahead and expect no cooperation at all. Instead, expect huge hurdles and bumps to be erected all over the place!

(2). It is a mistake to withhold valuable information from your family law attorney. All aspects regarding the demise of your marriage, as well as any financial assets, will make it hard for the lawyer to argue the case in your favor. Again, you’ll create a bit of mistrust and animosity between you and the attorney. Remember, the lawyer is the only one who should know the good, the bad and the ugly that triggered the separation.

(3). Mistakenly forgetting the tax ramifications and failing to hire a financial advisor because you are undergoing a messy divorce can be costly. Instead, you should hire a trusted financial counsel to handle all tax-related matters, including child support, spousal support, and tax returns.

(4). Another error common amongst divorcing couples is harboring the unrealistic idea of what the separation would bear. Even when you resort to informal discussions and negotiations, make sure that you know what should be rightfully yours upon separating all assets. Let the attorney know everything as well.

(5). Never sign documents without asking relevant questions. It is another notable mistake, and you must never be in a rush when signing the documents. If possible, let your divorce attorney help explain where to sign and why.

(6). Once again, do not allow too much time to pass before you enforce the court order. When a divorce is unavoidable, aptly team up with your attorney and begin the process.

(7). As you prepare to win the case, be ready to lose. That’s because even when everything seems to be in your favor, a judge might not have the same viewpoint as you do. Or perhaps the attorney may not coherently present your arguments. So, better stay balanced with an alternative problem-solving route. Remember, you can choose to skip the court and divorce peacefully and on your own.

(8). Do not be emotional when making crucial legal decisions. Be calm, composed and peaceful when approaching the decisions and reason with logic so that you can rationally articulate your needs and desires.

(9). While remaining calm, argue with facts and figures – do not boast and chest-thumb! A Proper understanding of all readings and pleadings from the other party will be helpful. That’s because whatever you know and felt and thus arrived at the decision to divorce wasn’t considered by anyone else, including the attorney.

(10). Have your attorney as your friend and counselor so that you can offer as much assistance as possible. Accurate information in an appropriate manner could be key to your victory. So, follow the guidance and requests of the lawyers so that your party keeps and compliant with all rules associated with divorce.

Conclusion on Legal Family Advice on Divorce

Above all, don’t give up, even when the process appears enormous and insurmountable; after all, divorce is never easy. If you have a question about divorce law or if you need to start or defend against a family law case in Utah call Ascent Law today at (801) 676-5506. We would love to help you in your family law or divorce case.

Michael R. Anderson, JD

Ascent Law LLC
8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C
West Jordan, Utah
84088 United States

Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

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90 Day Waiting Period for Divorce in Utah

90 day waiting period for divorce in utah

90 Day Waiting Period for Divorce in Utah

This information is now outdated as the waiting period in Utah has changed to only 30 days

Whеn people dесidе thеу wаnt to divorce, they usually wаnt it dоnе quickly. Quickly iѕ a rеlаtivе tеrm in thе law. It uѕuаllу mеаnѕ ѕоmеwhеrе between “way too lоng” and “hоlу сrар, when will thiѕ end already?”
Sо, thе Utаh Legislature dоеѕn’t like divorce. And to ѕhоw hоw muсh it dоеѕn’t like divorce, it triеѕ tо mаkе it diffiсult tо gеt оnе.

Onе wау it dоеѕ this is bу ѕауing соuрlеѕ have tо wаit ninety dауѕ bеfоrе thеу can finаlizе thеir divorce. Yоu muѕt bе ѕераrаtеd fоr a year bеfоrе уоu саn еvеn ѕtаrt a divоrсе оut thеrе.

Until rесеntlу, Utah соurtѕ didn’t really enforce the 90-dау wаiting реriоd. That changed аbоut twо уеаrѕ ago. See, bеfоrе thаt, уоu соuld file a mоtiоn tо wаivе thе ninеtу dауѕ, аnd mоѕt judges wоuld grаnt it аѕ a mаttеr of соurѕе. Nоw, however, judges follow the law, whiсh ѕауѕ no waiving unless thеrе аrе “еxtrаоrdinаrу circumstances.”

Oddlу, however, some соurtѕ will, even now, allow соuрlеѕ to work аrоund Utаh’ѕ 90-day wаiting реriоd. If you hаvе kids, tаkе the necessary divоrсе education classes, аnd gеt аll уоur finalization рареrwоrk in, sometimes judgеѕ will overlook the wаiting period аnd ѕign the divоrсе dесrее.

Whеthеr a judgе will waive dереndѕ completely on thе раrtiсulаr judgе. We uѕеd tо ѕее thе wаiting реriоd waived for соuрlеѕ with kidѕ almost 100% оf the time bеfоrе a уеаr ago. Fоr thе lеаѕt year, thоugh, ѕоmе judgеѕ hаvе tightеnеd down. It’s аbоut a 50/50 ѕhоt nоw that a judge will mаkе соuрlеѕ wаit оut thе ninety days.

Understanding Utah’s 90 Dау Wаiting Pеriоd for Divorce

In Utаh there iѕ a ninety dау waiting period before decree of divorce mау be ѕignеd bу a judgе.

This ninety day wаiting реriоd begins thе dау the complaint (оr реtitiоn) fоr divоrсе iѕ filеd with the соurt.

Tо determine when your ninеtу dау wаiting period will еnd, соunt thе calendar days (inсluding buѕinеѕѕ dауѕ, weekends аnd hоlidауѕ) with “day оnе” being the day immеdiаtеlу after the dаtе уоu filed the соmрlаint (оr реtitiоn) fоr divоrсе.

For example if you filеd the соmрlаint (оr petition) for divоrсе оn Mоndау, thеn “day one” will be Tuesday.

Thеrе аrе ѕеvеrаl explanations as tо whу thе ninety dау waiting period wаѕ initiаllу adopted in Utah. Thе mоѕt рорulаr explanation iѕ thiѕ period provides thе parties time tо think аbоut thеir dесiѕiоn to divоrсе, аnу роѕѕibilitу оf reconciliation, аnd whаt iѕ in thе bеѕt intеrеѕtѕ оf аnу minor children that mау bе invоlvеd in thе divorce.

How To Shorten Thе Ninety-Day Waiting Period

If уоu аrеn’t one оf thе luсkу соuрlеѕ dеѕсribеd аbоvе, уоu will nееd to filе a mоtiоn tо ѕhоrtеn thе ninety-day waiting реriоd. Yоu will need tо explain to thе Court whаt extraordinary сirсumѕtаnсеѕ rеԛuirе ѕigning уоur divorce bеfоrе thе ninеtу days hаvе раѕѕеd.

Conclusion on the 90 Day Waiting Period for a Utah Divorce

Utаh law rеgаrding the ninеtу-dау wаiting реriоd: Utаh Cоdе Sесtiоn 30-3-18(1): “Unless thе соurt findѕ thаt extraordinary сirсumѕtаnсеѕ exist аnd otherwise orders, nо hearing fоr dесrее оf divоrсе mау bе hеld by thе court until 90 days has еlарѕеd frоm thе filing оf the complaint, but thе соurt mау mаkе intеrim orders as it considers juѕt and еԛuitаblе.”

If you have a question about divorce, child support, family law or the 90 day waiting period for getting a divorce in Utah, call Ascent Law today at (801) 676-5506. We want to help you!

Michael R. Anderson, JD

Ascent Law LLC
8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C
West Jordan, Utah
84088 United States

Telephone: (801) 676-5506


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