Divorce is termed as one on the hardest life experiences. However, it can be easy. Yes, it can be hard too. It all depends on the circumstance under which it is being administered and the process behind administering a divorce.
But be sure that divorce is never easy for you, your kids and your spouse. But you can chose to make it smooth with your spouse. Read on to get a better insight on this great paradox.
Why is divorce hard?
Divorce is a very expensive process. With the court proceedings involved, a lot of money is invested when divorcing. Actually, it is said that this money leaves you in debt that you repay in your lifetime.
Other expenses are incurred when you have to move in a new house and you are expected to start paying rent on your own. Child support and alimony are other expenses that you might be required by the court to pay.
The money you incur on this process is quite heavy and it will definitely leave you bankrupt, probably surviving from hand to mouth. This definitely makes it a hard process.
The Expense and the Trauma
Divorce is a traumatic experience. The society, the breaking up, the world and everyone around you. This is the loss of a significant relationship and it is a very traumatic experience. It is known as PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). This truma is characterised by a number of symptoms like:
● overly negative thoughts about oneself or the world
● exaggerated self-blame or blame of others
● decreased interest in activities
● feeling isolated
● irritability or aggression
● risky or destructive behavior
● difficulty concentrating
● difficulty sleeping.
The kids suffer
Kids are also affected by divorce. They find it hard to adapt to changes after the parents separate. They are used to having both parents in the house and now they have to be under the care of one parent.
They will give you quite a hard time trying to explain what happened and why it had to happen that way. Sometimes it is quite hard to make them not to hate their other parents. This process of kids adapting to divorce is quite hard.
And yes, you have to deal with it. These are the situations your kids are placed in by divorce:
● Young children often struggle to understand why they must go between two homes – This makes them worried that if their parents can stop loving one another that someday, their parents may stop loving them too.
● Grade school children may worry that the divorce is their fault – They may think that the divorce is happening because they did something wrong or they compelled their parents to divorce because of their behaviour.
● Teenagers may become quite angry about a divorce and the changes it creates – They may blame one parent for the dissolution of the marriage or they may resent one or both parents for the upheaval in the family.
You Can Suffer From Depression
Depression after divorce is real. There is a high chance that after divorce, you will have depression. This is because of the stress and the trauma divorce puts you through. Remember your close friends and family may also be susceptible to depression after your divorce.
Worse off your kids are more likely to undergo depression. Depression makes divorce hard by itself. To add salt to an injury, the process of overcoming depression is quite long and it has repercussions which might lead you to trouble when you are not careful.
Sometimes medical checkup is the only solution and it i such an expensive process. Here are the effects of depression after divorce:
● Feeling sad or having a depressed mood
● Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed
● Excessive alcohol or drug use
● Changes in appetite — weight loss or gain unrelated to dieting
● Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
● Loss of energy or increased fatigue
● Increase in purposeless physical activity (e.g., hand-wringing or pacing) or slowed movements and speech (actions observable by others)
● Feeling worthless or guilty
● Unusual aches and pains
● Difficulty thinking, concentrating or making decisions
● Thoughts of death or suicide
Do you now get a clear insight on how hard divorce can be? Do not worry, there are ways you can make your divorce easy and relief yourself the trauma, the stress and the expenses, even though the process does not become completely smooth, but at least it becomes easy and saves you a lot of drama
Before you take up divorce, ask yourself these questions:
Do you still have feelings for your partner? – many people who decide to divorce still have very deep feelings for their partners but due to lack of intimacy and closeness, they decide to end the marriage. If this is your position, focus on working on your relationship rather than ending it.
Were you ever really married? – real marriage is one in which a couple works things out as a we or us. If from the start you were just two people raising kids and living together to get certain benefits, then this is not really marriage. If there was never a we in your relationship, then it is high time you concentrated on accepting that you were never married in the first place.
Are you truly ready for divorce or are you just threatening? – during marital arguments, divorce is mostly a threat for the following reasons:
● Out of anger and frustration.
● To gain power and control over the other person, to get them to see things your way.
● To finally be taken seriously that you want real change.
● As a wake up call that the marriage is faltering.
Those who threaten about divorce when arguing lose credibility with themselves or their partner. Do not go for divorce if you are using it as a threat
Is this a sincere decision based on self awareness or is it an emotionally reactive decision? – for you to be ready to divorce your partner, you must make sure that it is not an emotional decision you are making. A decision to divorce should be a very sober decision made without an emotional reaction. One should be able to let go of the emotional attachments towards their partner such that at the end, they will not regret having divorced.
What is your intent in wanting a divorce? – if you another intention of divorcing other than ending the marriage, then you should rethink before making the step. This means that you are not ready for it. If you are thinking that by divorcing the person they will change the way they treat you, then you are divorcing the wrong person. Divorce should be an irreversible process.
Have you resolved your internal conflict over the divorce? – there is always a battle within you whether you want to end the relationship or not. Before you divorce, ensure that you have made up your mind about it and you are determined to end the marriage. Otherwise, just stop it and work on your marriage to see if it works
Can you handle the unpleasant consequences of divorce? – divorce has very serious consequences which when not handled well, can lead you to depression and in worse cases, it can lead to death. If you are not ready to contain these consequences, then do not divorce because it will not be easy for you. The emotional turmoil, the shame and the financial strains associated with divorce are not a walk in the park. You should be able to bear the pain.
Are you willing to take control of your life in a responsible and mature way? – the way both of you react to divorce determines the kind of life you will live after the marriage is over. How you move on and how you handle the divorce process greatly determines how the life will be after the divorce. Do not divorce your partner if you know you will not be able to move on easily. Revenge is not necessary and after divorce, everyone deserves peace to go on with their lives
What makes divorce easy?
As messy as divorce sounds, you can make it an easy process. You can be careful enough to prevent deep scarring and help everyone move on in a healthy and fruitful way without doubts or stress. Here are a few tips on how you can make your divorce easy:
Be honest and open with your kids
Children have a right to know what is going on but that is if they at an appropriate age level. It is worse off if you keep them completely oblivious of what is going on and the blindside them with the truth once the divorce papers are signed and one parent has to move out. It sounds hard I know.
They will definitely react because they are also human. But make sure that you have a healthy conversation with them and reassure them that everything will be okay. Do not paint a bad picture about your spouse on them. Do not make them hate the other parent. Just do it wisely and it will make things a lot easier than keeping them in the dark.
Join a support group
Sharing your divorce issues with your kids is a way of clearing your mind but there are things you can’t share with your children because they may be too young to understand. For such issues, it is not advisable that you ignore them as they may lead you to depression or other serious mental health conditions.
Find a support group that deals with people who are undergoing divorce and share your story there. It can be a formal divorce support group or an impromptu setup with a trusted friend. Do not be afraid to let it out and let it go.
The good thing is that a problem shared is a problem half solved. Do what is comfortable with you but do not bottle up your emotions and your thoughts and your emotions.
Aim for an amicable divorce
It is possible to work out your divorce process with your spouse to make it amicable. By amicable I mean a divorce where both of you mutually agree to the terms of the divorce and make it a point to put your marriage to an end without involving attorneys. Here are the steps you should follow to have an amicable marriage:
1. Make the decision to divorce without blaming one another.
2. Focus on the big picture at all times.
3. Negotiate the terms of the divorce in good faith.
4. Put the needs of the children first and commit to co-parenting.
5. Work through the terms of the divorce without involving attorneys.
This way, you and your spouse will have a smooth divorce which is less expensive and it will take a very short time and it will not cost you a lot of emotional trauma.
Ease into things
Couples make a big mistake of rushing into divorce and rushing the process. You move from living together in one day to never seeing each other again the following day.
For you to make things a bit smooth for you, your spouse and your kids, it is very vital that you ease into things. Take things a bit slow for the sake of the kids.
It is very traumatizing for them to see both parents separate and life drastically changes for them. You can decide to take walks as a family, go for outings as a family just for the sake of the kids
Divorce doesn’t have to be a messy process. The common belief among people is that divorce involves battles between the couples where they fight for every last dollar and pose allegations for one another. However, this does not have to be the case for you.
Your divorce can be amicable and very easy for you if you and your spouse agree to take things in a mature way and handle situations with a lot of wisdom and care. Do not allow any reason to make your divorce a hard and messed up process.
Divorce Attorney Free Consultation
When you need legal help with a divorce in Utah, please call Ascent Law at (801) 676-5506 for your free consultation. We want to help you.
8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C
West Jordan, Utah
84088 United States
Telephone: (801) 676-5506