One of the grounds for divorce in Utah is willful desertion for one year or more. Desertion may be defined as the prolonged absence from home of either spouse without the consent of the other. Unlike formal separation or divorce, it has no legal sanctions. It is, in fact, often called “the poor man’s divorce,” or in more critical tone is sometimes referred to as a “moral holiday” of one spouse from familial responsibilities. Today with divorce rather easily available desertion is but a preliminary step toward divorce. It represents just a stage in the process of final dissolution of the marriage by legal means. However merely because your spouse has deserted you, it does not mean that you are divorced. You have to file the necessary papers and forms in the court. There is a process to be followed and once the procedure is complete, a judge will review you divorce application and then pass an order granting you divorce from your spouse who has deserted you. If you are seeking divorce on the grounds of desertion, speak to an experienced Park City Utah divorce lawyer.
Much has been written for and against divorce. The belief that marriage is a church sacrament is still firmly held by millions of Christians, and it is not easy to dislodge ideas, attitudes, and habits when they have the long-standing support of sacred tradition.
There are many reasons why couples end up filing for divorce. As a rule, the sexual relations of the spouses sooner or later become deranged. Differences in intensity of this drive, inability to work out a satisfactory modus vivendi as to time, place, and frequency, inability to develop the subtler aspects of play so important to full sexual pleasure–these and other matters of the more intimate life often bring on emotional tensions within the individual and conflict with the other spouse. Then, too, the affectional life may not reach sufficiently beyond the purely sexual aspects. For instance, the husband may be solicitous about the sex life, but unkind, sharp-tongued, or indifferent to many important little details of interaction with his wife, with the result that gradually the unpleasantness of everyday living and the sense of being neglected–aside from direct sexual interests–in time influence the intimate relations themselves.
When women have few outside interests, such as a vocation or civic activities, or when they find household cares tedious and unsatisfying, their emotionally toned interplay with the husband becomes all the more important both to their love life and as a needed support to the pride and self-esteem. And, obviously enough, the reverse of this may be true. A wife may prove a fairly satisfactory sexual partner but become increasingly difficult to get along with otherwise. Moreover, not only may the libidinous relations become gradually disorganized, but the ego manifestations may become disturbed. In fact, there is much evidence that pride and self-esteem become so intermingled with the love life that it is often hard to distinguish them. If it be said, as it often is, that satisfactory marriage requires good sexual adaptation, it is equally true that few satisfactory marriages are built upon the foundation of sheer physical attraction alone. When, for instance, a woman berates a husband for being a poor provider, or when a man undermines his wife’s pride and self-regarding sentiments, or when the infantile patterns come to dominate the interspousal relations, the groundwork is laid for conflict.
From these sources in the love life and in the ego emerge the conflicts, often slight at first, but gradually becoming more serious as the elements of opposition get associated into larger constellations. Yet following overt conflict there usually come compromises, reconciliations, and attempts to “patch up the differences.” Staying together “for the children’s sake” is a common ground for various forms of adjustment. But, as the months or years go on, all the devices for reconciliation and accommodation seem more or less exhausted. There is a “try and try again” until one or the other spouse may feel that the situation has reached an unsolvable impasse.
A next stage emerges when the idea of divorce arises in consciousness and begins to grow as the only or best way to resolve the conflict. Such an idea may persist for months or years without being expressed, but, once it is uttered as a phase of the conflict, once this idea becomes verbalized and communicated to the other spouse, an important milestone in the process has been passed. It brings the possibility of divorce into the open forum of conversation. At first the expression of the idea may prove a shock to the other and may actually intensify the conflict, or it may lead to more serious attempts at further compromises. The word “divorce” may be uttered hundreds of times in interspousal conflicts before the overt act of divorce is consummated. Of course, the suggestion or the threat of divorce may become a verbal device used with the idea of frightening the other spouse and of bringing about some sort of control. But, further adjustments failing, the concrete proposal or threat of divorce becomes more evident. One proposes and the other opposes. Yet, as couples become more tolerant, and as divorce by mutual consent becomes more common (despite the continued legal failure to recognize this fact), the mention and discussion of divorce may actually be welcomed as a possible release from what have become intolerable tensions. There frequently follows or accompanies the verbalization of probable divorce a further break in the familial solidarity.
The hopelessness of continuing in the state of controversy becomes more evident. The decision to resort to divorce is a kind of commitment, and, though not as irrevocable as the overt act itself, it nevertheless outlines a form and direction for ending a cycle of conflict and for reducing or ending a given state of strain. Then comes the walkout. This is a more definitive act, of course, than the verbal decision to seek a divorce. But, when one or the other spouse packs up to leave, a step is taken which is much more difficult to retrace than any previously taken. Actual separations take place in all sorts of ways: one woman leaves ostensibly for a prolonged vacation– a temporary face-saving device for the neighbors; another departs for the home of her parents; still another sets out to someplace where she intends to file formal papers seeking divorce. When the husband leaves, he may take a new job elsewhere; he may go to his parents’ home; or he may take up living quarters with his friends, in his club, or in a rooming house. Just what is done depends upon familial and financial conditions, occupation, and other circumstances.
The emotional atmosphere which surrounds the departure also varies greatly. Sometimes a wife or a husband stalks out in high dudgeon in the dramatic manner of the motion pictures; sometimes it is done quietly and with a certain wistful attitude on the part of both husband and wife when they realize that they have come, at last, to the parting of the ways. In some instances it is done under cover of night or through deception– as when a wife uses the excuse of a vacation as a rationalization to her spouse. For some there is obviously a good deal of ego satisfaction in the more dramatic and emotional departure. Finally there is the divorce procedure itself. There is consultation with attorneys, which may induce emotional distress and a sense of guilt at having to go through this whole legal ritual. There are often problems of property settlement, decisions and agreements about the children, and no end of other items. In contested divorces, of course, the whole conflict is finally fought out in public. Even when there is a calmer situation, when there is a more or less tacit agreement to permit the divorce, it still is a public spectacle–something which itself has its effects.
A divorce is more or less an emotional crisis for all concerned. Psychologically it represents the final overt stage of a long series of events that had their inception in the previous months and years. Yet, despite all the conflict which may lie behind the determination to be freed from marriage, the act itself, usually taking place under the eyes of the public, is not likely to be an easy experience. The ordeal in court may itself be an occasion for an emotional catharsis. The “injured” person–that is, the one who seeks legal redress in the form of divorce–may be so bitter and disillusioned as to want in an obviously childish way to take revenge on the other spouse. This may take the form of insistence on exorbitant alimony, open court battles for custody of the children, or public accusations of infidelity and overt cruelty. It sometimes happens that publicity-seeking attorneys themselves maneuver their clients into seeking such revenge. Don’t let this happen to you. Do not hire the first Park City Utah divorce attorney you come across. Speak to a few divorce lawyers before you select one. An experienced Park City Utah divorce lawyer understands the emotional stress that you are under and will always be there to guide you through the complex maze of Utah divorce law.
There is no doubt that many abuses have crept into the system of paying alimony. If there are children to support, the provision of money for their support may be cheerfully assumed by the husband, though not without some conflict in instances where he has remarried and has another family to support.
But, in any case, it is easy for the divorced husband to develop a good deal of resentment in time at the ever-recurring date when a considerable fraction of his wages or salary must be paid over to his ex-spouse. Such an obligation serves as a constant stimulus which easily symbolizes or keeps alive a host of unpleasant memories. The man may and often does find in such legal requirement a foundation for self-pity and a bid for sympathy from his friends. Then, too, this constant reminder of the previous marriage may become the basis for misunderstandings in the new family venture.
In other words, alimony often takes on something of the nature of damages–reflecting definitely the continuation of the property idea behind marriage. A woman in the midst of a divorce battle may feel “I gave ten years of my life to this man; why shouldn’t I be paid alimony now that he has left me?” The use of alimony as a bolster to an otherwise injured ego is apparent.
There is developing an attitude, however, on the part of many women, especially those of professional training, that alimony, aside from support for children, is an outmoded and barbaric form of punishment. This reflects, of course, the changing views of women both toward marriage and toward careers and financial independence. But, so long as most women give up earning money when they marry, or never were gainfully employed prior to matrimony, we cannot expect any marked change in present practice regarding alimony. At best, women who are willing and able to assume financial responsibilities for themselves after divorce will remain only a small proportion of the total number divorced.
Instances are known where divorced women preferred to remain single and on alimony rather than to remarry, even when there was a strong affectional bond to a second man. Sometimes the alimony permits the exwife a higher standard of living than would be possible if she remarried. In other but perhaps rarer cases the ex-wife is more interested in revenging herself upon her ex-husband by remaining single and taking alimony than she is in a healthy remarriage.
In all contested divorce litigation, alimony is a major issue. An experienced Park City Utah divorce lawyer can help you in your alimony battle. Remember, Utah alimony laws are complex. Never attempt fighting an alimony battle without the assistance of the expert – an experienced Park City Utah divorce lawyer.
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When you need a divorce attorney in Park City Utah, please call Ascent Law LLC (801) 676-5506 for your Free Consultation. We can help you with Divorce. Legal Separation. Child Custody. Child Support. Alimony. Spousal Support. Divorce Modification. Debt Division. Enforcement of Divorce Decree. And Much More. We want to help you.
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