Think of it. You choose this person for a lifetime. There were so many nice people you left out there and went ahead and married your spouse. That shows there was something different about him/her.
From a religious point of view, the Bible clearly states that what God has put together no man should put asunder. Those aligned to different religious views see divorce as a wrong act. The secular society likewise feels divorce is wrong because of the guilt that accompanies it and the damage it causes.
There is a lot of dilemma in the divorce process. The parties involved go through a lot of mental, emotional and physical torture. The hot driving forces during this time are inevitable but it is better to take a breather before making a life-changing decision
Questions you need to ask yourself before filing for divorce
Deciding to take a divorce is not an easy thing as many would think. There are a lot of factors to consider, a lot of evaluation of your own self. Making a haste decision could prove catastrophic. I will hereby outline some of the questions you must ask yourself before divorcing your spouse.
What is your motivation?
Too tired with your marriage? Take time explore your marriage. What exactly is your motivation behind the divorce? What is making you feel to give up on a lifetime journey that you already vowed before God, relatives and friends?
If your motive is right, what are consequences of the decision made? Whether you are unhappy or hopeless or too tired to keep trying, understanding your reasoning helps you ground your decision. You will be able to examine yourself better and be able to make reasonable solid decision. Let not your selfishness be the cause to your marriage breaking.
Are there other options apart from divorce?
I am sure divorce is not your only option. There are so many other option that you could put into consideration. Visiting a counselor, or separating for a while could help you make sound decision before things falls apart. This could help you to defuse the complex you might be having about your marriage. Try harder, you are born to win. Remember quitters never win and winners never quit – no matter how bad the situation is.
Could you be the problem?
The nature of a human being is to always see the other side of the story. Rarely will you find yourself guilty. We like to blame the other person more than we blame ourselves. Sit down and have a conference with yourself. See whether you have contributed to breaking your marriage. Are there things that you are not doing right that could be hurting your spouse enough to make them want a divorce? Use this period to really reflect on your marriage life.
Think about some things you have done or said that could have contributed to your marital problems. If you changed some of the crude ways you relate to your spouse, could the marriage be saved? Instead of shifting all the blame onto your spouse, try to understand how you might have introduced some conflict into your relationship. Attempt to correct it as fast as you can, and then watch the outcome.
Could you stay if your spouse changes?
Your marriage can still be saved if you fought for it. Giving up would portray weakness. Ask yourself, “What needs to be changed in my marriage so I feel good staying in marriage? Look if you can sit down with your spouse and talk it over. If it’s an issue that can be easily resolved, you might be able to work through it together.
Do not try to demand change from your spouse because they may become resistant to your demand but rather, in a polite language, try to help them see the sense in it. Have this in mind – nothing is impossible. if your spouse changes his or her behaviour then you are obligated to forgive them and move on. Give them a chance to prove themselves, coz if you won’t it agains shows some bit of selfishness in you.
What support do I have, and what support do I need?
The road to divorce may not be as easy as you think. It can be financially and emotionally tasking. You’ll need all the support you can get. Take inventory of what type of support you currently have and what type of support you will need in the future. Family, friends, and a good therapist can help you weather just about any storm.
Reasons why you should not think of a divorce
Many people will think of a divorce at least one moment in life especially when things fall apart. For some, divorce is a constant threat; for others, it feels like the only hope. Trying to make sense why you should always evade the thought of a divorce, let us look at some of the major reasons why divorce is wrong.
1. Divorce hurts kids
As much as you want to have divorce, think first on the effect it will have on your kids. They should be your first motivation and you should at least stay in marriage for their sake. Try to weigh the effect of the divorce on your children. You might be able to get over it further down the line, but the children may never overcome it.
They will never get over the loss of their family, and their lives will never be the same. Never. When parents start living separate lives, a child’s world is shattered, and they must navigate through this new reality.
There will be long-lasting financial, emotional, developmental, academic, and psychological repercussions. For that kid, the fairy tale is officially over. Yes, kids do “move on,” but they are affected forever.
2. Once trust is broken you may never be able to trust again
Trust is very vital in life. Once trust is broken, trusting again becomes a problem. You will always be suspicious even in your new relationship. Instead of a divorce, you better think of getting help and frequently talk to your partner about it. Getting from one relationship to another will lower your trust on people. Every time you face a struggle, walking away would be so easy instead of solving the problems.
3. Custody battles are the worst experience
In a case where parents are fighting over children, everyone’s life becomes difficult. The children get to know who mum is fighting for and who dad is fighting for. This will develop a complex in the children. In addition, your children will now have two homes, not one. For the rest of their childhood, they will have to continually split themselves between two residences and will have to adjust every time they go from one to the other. Yes, custody arrangements might sound easy on paper, but are usually emotionally and mentally devastating.
Another problem is you will no longer have the children in your home full-time. You will be sharing those children with your ex-partner, and you will have to arrange your whole life to accommodate these arrangements. Walking away from a marriage because it’s not what you wanted will likely mean walking away from your kids and that impact is enormous.
4. The relationship between the two families is broken as well after divorce
Now this is a very difficult one, and painful for many people. You know when you got married, everyone said you were marrying your fiancé’s family, as well? Well, this truth also works in reverse. When you divorce your wife, you are also divorcing her family, in most cases.
Family members will often feel forced to take sides, and guess who they are going to pick? Of course they’ll choose the blood relation. So the relationship you built with your in-laws will probably end. I am not saying it happens all the time but most cases the relations breaks.in very few cases where you will find this relationship surviving.
5. Children of single parents don’t get the opportunity to see a model of what marriage is supposed to look like
Research has proved this right . Most of kids who are brought up by a single parent and from a divorce may not be able to make their own home. This is because they grow never seeing responsibilities being shared from their parent. In most cases children will do exactly what they saw their parent doing. Committing themselves to a marriage becomes a bit of problem to them. Very few people are able to overcome this challenge.
Additionally, children of single parents seem to have more difficulty forming relationships with their peers. Once they mature, they are more likely to marry and have children early, then divorce; and girls from single-parent families have a greater chance of becoming single mothers as well.
6. Committing yourself to a second marriage becomes more harder
Making a new life after divorce is a bit difficult. You have a lot of struggles and luggage to carry before you stabilize. We hope and believe in second chances, and this often includes a second marriage. If a person is divorced, they will often want share their life with someone else and not to simply be alone. Research shows that 25% of second marriages fail and they are even harder than the first one. There are a number of reasons why second marriage is difficult. Let us look at them:
● They are less innocent
Second marriages are less innocent and that makes them harder. Although they are trying to love again, both people are scared, and that’s not a good way to start a marriage. This might not apply to everyone, but for some people, it can definitely be a factor.
● They are more complicated than the first one
Second marriages, especially when children are involved, are very complicated. Your kids must now deal with a new person in their life. There are so many variables, and trying to create a new family in the aftermath of a family breakup is never any easy.
This is because when people marry for the first time they have ample time together before kids come. This time is very important because it helps them connect well to each other so even when kids come they are able to connect with them well. Step parents, on the other hand, must deal with children from the very start of their marriage and don’t have that all-important adjustment period.
7. There cases where you will lose your friends
In most cases when you are married, your spouse’s friends becomes your friends too and when you too divorce, friends are not able to know where to fall. Divorce will have a dramatic effect on your social life. Couples often feel more comfortable being friends with other couples, and making them switch to two singles instead of one deuce will shake everything up.
If you are really close, the couple might choose to see you both at different times, but usually, friends feel forced to take sides and be loyal to their original friend. This doesn’t sound very nice, but it’s a reality.
Also, some couples don’t feel as comfortable hanging out with a divorced person. Their lonely presence serves as a reminder that things always don’t work out. Just as people often don’t know what to say to someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one, people are often awkward when confronted by a divorce. They don’t know what to say, so they stay away.
Divorce Lawyer Free Consultation
When you need a divorce lawyer in Utah, please call Ascent Law at (801) 676-5506. We will help you.
8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C
West Jordan, Utah
84088 United States
Telephone: (801) 676-5506